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Monthly Archives: September 2020

Scrabble Confessional

30 Wednesday Sep 2020

Posted by heidihorner in Humor, memoir

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EBWW, Humor, memoir, Nickie’s Prize for Humor Writing, Scrabble

That’s the name of my essay that was just chosen as one of the winners of the Nickie’s Prize for Humor Writing competition sponsored by the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop! Take that 2020. You almost had me at rock bottom – but not now. Now, I am elated.😊

It’s fitting, kismet really, that this is my first acceptance. Without the support of the friends it’s about, I might have given up long ago. I might have continued to write, but remained terrified to submit. But I did it girls! I hit submit and here we are.

It’s only been a few hours, but my friends have already cast our parts in the sure to come Hollywood blockbuster. Halle Berry, Jennifer Garner, and Charlize Theron have no idea the fun they are in for. Nothing screams “Action Packed Thriller” like a movie about women bonding over a Scrabble board. We’re also going to write in another character, because we want Kristin Bell in the movie too. She’s just so damn versatile.

I’ll keep you posted about when and where you can read Scrabble Confessional. In the mean time, thanks to all. You know who you are. 😉 And a special thanks to the EBWW community. They rock!

Angry Eyebrows

16 Wednesday Sep 2020

Posted by heidihorner in Botox, Cartoons, Humor

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Cartoons, Humor, memoir

Recently, I went to the dermatologist for my six month check. I see my dermatologist more often than any other physician due to sun damage caused by excessive time spent in swimming pools, fishing with my dad, and being a teenage beach bum. I’d barely walked into the exam room when the nurse asked if I would be interested in Botox.

“Are you trying to tell me something?” I asked.

“Oh! No, no, no. I just happen to have some left over that I need to use up. It’s about to expire.”

Expire?

“Huh. Where do you think I would need it?”

“Between your eyebrows. It erases the lines there.” She held out a hand mirror.

“Which lines?” I asked, waggling my eyebrows.

“Well you have to scrunch your eyebrows together to see them,” she said.

I scrunched my face to make my angry eyebrow look.

“There! Those lines!” She stabbed her finger between my eyes.

I flinched back, “Well, there aren’t really lines if I don’t scrunch.”

“And with Botox, there wouldn’t be any there when you do scrunch,” she chirped.

“So then, how will people know when I’m angry?”

She paused for a perplexed moment, then snatched the mirror out of my hand, “I don’t think Botox is your thing.”

“I don’t think expired Botox is my thing,” I murmured, angry eyebrows on full display.

#EBWW2020

02 Wednesday Sep 2020

Posted by heidihorner in Uncategorized

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EBWW2020, Humor

Woot Woot! I get to attend the Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop again, virtually. Looking forward to some laughs. 🙂

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